I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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