Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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