Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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