White coat. Heels.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Randomize
