when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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