Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
