I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
