We're facebook friends in real life
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
