I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
