I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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