I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
