I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
