You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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