The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
