I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She bit a glass in half.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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