Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize