the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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