I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
two words...techno handjob
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
