Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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