it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
