If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
