My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
