Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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