im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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