I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
