if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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