So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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