We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
