Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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