i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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