It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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