Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
