I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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