my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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