oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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