If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
