First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
