I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize