what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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