you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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