Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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