Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
