One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
