i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize