Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
