I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Slut skills are useful in every country.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
