your parents love me but you hate me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Found the puke drawer
They took my balls.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize