The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
