i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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