so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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