I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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