the condom got lost in my hair
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
