I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
