Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When did angry sex become our thing?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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