Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
