I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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