There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
there's paper in my vomit.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
