The maid of honor just puked.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
