I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
