no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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