It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
