sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
