Duck Duck Cougar?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize