Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
