I will die if light touches me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
