also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
