Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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