P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
