Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
