I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
