remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
