it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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