theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize