super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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