I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
