im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
