I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize