Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
