i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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