i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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