'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
