the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
A+ Viking dick
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