She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
