Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize