I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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