My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
